don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
