When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
