I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
