her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
3pm strippers are depressing
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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