Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
