Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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