I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
