A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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