we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
