two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
