i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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