smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
