do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
