Apparently you make a good broom.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
