11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
