I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
