Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
