So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
