none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
