Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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