I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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