Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize