ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
