Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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