Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
