the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
