Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
