remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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