im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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