My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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