PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
