Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
