Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
