His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
