he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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