I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
