...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
