I am puke
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize