I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
