Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize