The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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