I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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