His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
All I want is dick and wine.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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