I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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