Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
