i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My hand turned me down
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
