after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
