I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
