I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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