i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
