Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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