whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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