I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize