capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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