i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
it was like eating out sand paper
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
