goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
