hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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