Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
