How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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