Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
