it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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