After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize