Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
