i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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