He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
