the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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