no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
