I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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