If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
