Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
