when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I want her autograph on my taint
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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