Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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