I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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