some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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