Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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