I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
