i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
