I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
