remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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