we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
