my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
