party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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