If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Sober January is a disaster.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
