Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
