I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
