I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
