I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Randomize
