He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
