Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
