Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
