chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
