I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
