Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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