just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
