she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
