im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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