i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
