i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
