ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
